The Batpo's Tale of Woe

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What a tale of woe I have for you! I woke up today and the heavens were crying, the clouds were storming and something up there was having a hissy fit. Turned on the TV, and it's only an amber rainstorm warning. So I put on my all-weather gear -- cropped trendy trousers with too many pockets, trendy teva-type sandals, trendy Nike anorak -- and packed my work clothes into my ultra trendy backpack. Oddly enough, I didn't look uber-trendy -- only like I had finished work at the fish market. I then waded out of our village -- the irony being that the huge puddles in the road were caused by the building site where the governmentt drainage department are building a pump station to stop our village from flooding -- pah!

Crossing the road, I noticed the village across the main nullah [a nullah is an open sewage drainage ditch] had flooded. The excess water was filling up the nullah rather fast. Not quite white water rapids, more murky sand colour -- but rapids nonetheless. Dressed in my all-weather combat gear, I walk into a veritable media maelstrom. I even got interviewed by Oriental Daily News! Naturally, I refused to let them take my picture . . . .

I then waded to the bus stop which -- surprise, surprise! -- was flooded. The ultra-bright bus driver approached the bus stop like Nigel Mansell at a Formula 1 pitstop, and managed to half-drown the imbeciles who had rushed to the side of the road when they saw the bus . . . what were they thinking? This set off a series of profanity and squealing. I, rather smugly, sauntered on the bus.

The bus took one and a half hours to get from Yuen Long to Tsuen Wan. During this time, the girl opposite me did her makeup about six times, ate her breakfast, clipped her nails, fussed with her hair and her clothes and then went back to looking at herself in the mirror. Not that I was feeling out of sorts, but even with an hour's worth of makeup -- she was still ugly as sin. Another ironic point -- we were sitting at the back of the bus, leading me to think she had a face like . . . tatatatatataaa.

The bizarre thing was, that once I got to Some Shitty Pooh [Sham Shui Po], the ground was barely wet and it wasn't even raining!